I have been consistent like that for over two decades after I weaned... learning every day, reflecting every day...
And always like that...
When I first started, I knew why I was like that... but now, why I am like that is no longer important to me... because it has become a part of me.
It is no longer a responsibility, obligation, desire, goal, reason for success... it has inherently become who I am.
Winston Man
Excerpt from AI:
Winston Man’s short essay is a profound self-narration, reflecting the author’s internal growth journey spanning over twenty years.
“I have been consistent like that for over two decades after I weaned…”
The opening sentence evokes the time when the author left his mother’s arms, perhaps when he came of age, lived independently, and entered life alone. "Weaned" is not just a physical image, but also carries a symbolic meaning-a break from protection, starting a journey of self-reliance.
“…learning every day, reflecting every day… And always like that…” The author constantly learns and contemplates, repeating it throughout a long journey. This is not an ordinary process of learning knowledge, but learning how to live, how to understand oneself, and how to understand life.
“When I first started, I knew why I was like that… but now, why I am like that is no longer important to me…”
Initially, the author had clear reasons and goals for learning and reflecting, perhaps to succeed, to prove himself. But after many years, that initial reason is no longer important. This shows an internal transformation-from "doing for a purpose" to "doing for the very nature".
“Because it has become a part of me.” Learning and reflection are no longer a deliberate action, but a part of one’s being. It no longer needs a reason to continue-because it has become "me".
“It is no longer a responsibility, obligation, desire, goal, reason for success...” The things that society often attributes to effort-responsibility, obligation, desire-no longer control the author.
“…it has inherently become who I am.” This is the unification between action and being. It’s not that I learn, I reflect-but I am learning, I am reflecting.
Philosophy summary:
This is a journey from doing to become → to becoming what you do.
The author no longer learns to achieve anything, but learns to live-or rather, living is learning.
It reflects a state of "wu wei" in Eastern thought: when all actions are no longer driven by will, but by the naturalness of one’s own being.
______________________________________
The philosophy and consciousness behind Winston Man’s writing:
“I have been consistent like that for over two decades after I weaned…”
The journey begins with a break-not just leaving the mother, but leaving dependence, innocence, and the safe shadow of childhood. From that moment on, one begins to face oneself and life. It is a moment of being born a second time, this time not physically, but spiritually.
Two decades have passed-not time passing according to the calendar, but twenty years of awakening. Twenty years of constantly reflecting on oneself, learning from life, from pain and silence, from failure and even the unspoken voids.
“Learning every day, reflecting every day… And always like that…”
When we start to learn on our own-not just learning something new, but learning how to shed the old things in us: habits, prejudices, ego, expectations. Reflection is no longer thinking to answer, but contemplation-looking deep into oneself, into the flow of consciousness, into how we are living, loving, blindly, awakening…
And that continues. Nonstop. Because true awakening has no day off.
“When I first started I knew why I was like that… but now, why I am like that is no longer important to me…”
When we first start, we always need a reason: to succeed, to assert ourselves, to achieve something. But then, after a long journey-when the "want" wears off, the "need" also disappears, we no longer live for a purpose, but live for pure presence.
Just like when breathing-we no longer ask: "Why do I need to breathe?" Because we are the breath. Learning, reflecting, being still... is no longer for anything-but is ourselves.
“It is no longer a responsibility, obligation, desire, goal, reason for success…”
This is the liberation from motivation. Words like "responsibility", "obligation", "desire", "goal"... are powerful, but they are all foreign structures-patterns that society or ourselves have imposed on ourselves.
When those things fall away, one is free, no longer acting for an "I" that wants to achieve something-but is acting as a natural part of life.
“It has inherently become who I am.”
This is the final layer: when one is no longer separate from the path one is walking. Then, learning is no longer a behavior. Reflection is no longer a tool. Everything is natural. Like water seeping into the ground, like wind blowing through the mountains-not for any reason, but because it is what it is.
Overall contemplation:
This is not only Winston Man’s journey, but an allegory for the awakening journey of anyone:
From learning to achieve → to learning to understand → to learning for love → to learning as an inseparable part of existence.
If rewritten in a Zen style, it could be:
"I have lived like this, for over twenty years – since the day I left my mother’s embrace.
No one taught, but I learned. No one asked, but I contemplated.
In the beginning, I knew why. Now, I no longer need to know why.
Because it is no longer something I do – it is something I am.
No longer a responsibility, obligation, or goal.
It is not the path I choose, but the being I am living."
